My New Years Wish

That's right I said wish not resolution. I figure it like this. Every year people make a list of New Years Resolutions. All of these resolutions end up broken within days or weeks. Once in a while you can find the rare person who made it through the first couple of months of the year before breaking and having forgotten that it was a resolution anyway. So this year I am going to make a couple of New Years Wishes.

Since returning home from St. Jude my son has started getting worse again. Sadly it was like the moment we walked in the door to our home someone flipped a switch and he started refusing to do things for himself, he started staggering again when walking, and the bad attitude and misbehavior has returned as if we never went to Memphis and made the progress that we did. With that said my first New Years wish is that my son start getting better again.

Now as I have said in the past, all of us felt more comfortable and seemed to get along better while we were in Memphis. Of course, this leads into my second New Years Wish. I wish that we could somehow get things together and come up with the necesary funds to be able to move to Memphis and either purchase or rent to own a home that would meet our needs. I actually found one when doing an on-line search for homes in that area, but the agent hasn't returned my calls.

Obviously to go with the first two wishes I have to be able to follow up with one or two more. So here it is quick and simple. I wish to be able to quickly find a job that I can be comfortable with and allow me to support as well as spend time with my family once we get to Memphis, or be able to open my detailing business once we get there.

My final wish for the New Year is all incompasing. I wish for everyone to have a wonderful New Year! May 2010 bring joy and happiness to everyone. May the New Year be the upswing to what appears to be another depression in the U.S. Lastly I hope that significant progress can be made in the study of and search for renewable or green energy sources as well as significant advances in the fields of Scientific and Research studies.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Should a new year mean a new beginning?

Well at least I'm remaining consistant with the every couple of days thing. Anyway I was having a few stray thoughts. It seems we were all more comfortable when we were in Memphis, and after all Memphis is where my son's primary Dr. for his Cancer treatment is located. So I got a bit of a wire going this evening and looked up homes for sale or rent in the Memphis area. Now I am a firm believer in things no matter how insignificant they may seem happen for a reason. I found a home in exactly the area we were looking to get to if we moved for a fairly affordable price... That is if by some miracle we could come up with the down payment...

I honestly think the move would be good for my family, and would allow us all some peace of mind and well being. I just wonder how in the world we could possibly come up with the down payment. Figuring up the monthly payment we could easily afford it so long as I can find something working at least 30-40 hours a week at no less than $9.50 an hour. As an experienced freight courier I should be able to find that easily enough. So my question is. If an opportunity presents itself, and a person can figure out a way to make it work.... Should the beginning of a new year also be a new beginning entirely? I mean a change of residence, employment, and complete change of lifestyle. Just a wayward thought to be pondered.

I'm slacking!!

Grrr ok getting a bit frustrated with myself now. Apparently I can't even keep it together for a full week to post daily. Well again I'm two days after my latest post. This time however, I have a bit better news to share. I start a new job tomorrow. Not exactly what I was looking for, but it is work, and the owner understands and accepts my scheduling needs. This works out as beneficial to both of us since he needed someone to cover an opening, and I needed something to provide at least a meager income while we feel things out in the transition of coming home and getting adjusted to our new needs.

My boy is doing well. Aside from a bit of nasty attitude, and seeming to get a little worse since we've been home. However we were told this might happen and that the swelling should recede again soon. In the meanwhile he was put back on the steroids to relieve the swelling. Next week we go for Physical Theropy and Speech Evals with the local Dr.'s whome we have already asked to contact his physicians at St. Jude so that St. Jude is the facility in control of his treatment.

Hopefully I won't be too tired or strained tomorrow and can post to say how the day went. For the time being I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts for my son and my family. Just remember when you go to the gas station or the grocery store and someone is asking you if you would like to donate a dollar to St. Jude and put your name on a balloon or sneaker or something like that. The hospital really does get that money, and you never know. I pray it never happens, but you just never know if one day you may need to call on them as we have.

The Day After Christmas

For obvious reasons I haven't posted the past couple of days. It was family time. Christmas is over and now the fun begins. Toys everywhere kids having fun. Mommy and Daddy trying to remember where their heads are and keep everything cleaned up. Still the good news is we made it through the past couple of days with no major incidents. For now I suppose that's the best we can hope for. Take things a day at a time and pray for the best. In the next couple of days I have to seriously begin hunting the job market again. Time to go back to working for someone else, and pray they understand my circumstances and will work with my scheduling needs without giving me too much of a hard time about it. Good luck on that. The economy sucks, everything in shambles. Finding a job will be hard enough. Finding one that will be understanding? This is going to be a friggin' blast. Anyone know of a trucking company that will pay as you train, and work with a schedule of having to be home to take care of a child for a week at a shot every eight weeks without fail? Or perhaps a courier company that can understand you have to take off every eight weeks for a week? At this point I'm almost willing to go as an independent contract courier paid by the mile as long as they can work with my schedule and provide good milage. My truck can handle it. I just need to add a shell or get a trailer so I can haul larger loads.

Almost ready for the big day!

Well tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Cookies are done. Most of the stuff for Christmas Eve snacks/dinner is done.. I mean aside from what has to actually be cooked that is. Hopefully the kids will be happy. It looks like everything is pretty much ready for Santa.

Had a good day aside from the earlier headache issues. My son went to sleep without too much of a fight. He did try to convince Mommy that he needed her to brush his teeth because he couldn't do it. In the end he took care of it himself. Both kids are sleeping good, and anxiously awaiting the day after tomorrow.

Me?... I'm still wondering what to do about employment. I mean I have to be very careful to make sure it is somewhere that can work with my scheduling needs. Yet, at the same time I know what I would like to do as I am certain that it is the best way to support my family. Honestly I think if I could get my CDL I can get things set in a way that I could pull three to five years as a Long Haul Driver and then go local only and be able to cover everything the way it needs to be covered. Then again who knows. Maybe if I can pull off waiting till after the first of the year to attempt to find something I may be able to get something that I can be at least semi comfortable with and make ends meet.

Enough about that. Remember the holidays are upon us. Everyone have a happy holiday season whatever it is you celebrate. And by the way... If any of you have the power... Someone please send snow this way. I really would like for my kids to have a true White Christmas.

Starting something new....

Ok I'm going to start using this blog as sort of a journal for what's going on with my son as well as my normal rants. This is being done to make it easier for me to keep track of things as they are happening.

I was just informed by my son that he is having headaches and blurred/ double vision that comes and goes. If it's close up he sees only one, but at a distance he sees double or more. The headaches he says his head is hurting in the back, but this also comes and goes. We will be keeping close watch so do not be surprised if there are multiple entries per day when I am at home.

A small thank you

I know it's not much, but I would like to say thank you to those who commented on my post of another try. I visited the site link provided, and was amazed at some of the information I found. I am happy and yet at the same time sad to know that there are others out there who know what our family is going through. To those of you who have not experienced this I say that I am happy for you. I do not mean this in a sarcastic manner. The feelings, stress, and other issues that develop with this kind of situation in your life is not something I would wish on even my worst enemy. For now I hope that everyone has a wonderful evening, and thank you for reading.

Three Days till Christmas!!

So far the day has started out ok. The kids are playing video games. Fighting over them, but playing none the less. I've managed to run the dishwasher, put everything away, and even cleared the sink out. Apparently I get to go crawl around under the trucks today even though I was originally intending to go speak with the mechanic who did the work on my truck while I was in Memphis to say thank you and inquire about a part time job since who told me he'd lost a mechanic. All to no avail. This is why I don't try to make plans anymore. Everyone else already has plans for me.

Of course I don't I'm not sure why I'm even considering looking for a job right now. It's three days before Christmas! Three days before the end of the buying and the beginning of the returns. Which means about three weeks before everyone starts letting go the help that was hired for the holiday season, and returns to base staff. Do you really think I'm going to find anything worth while right now? I mean heaven knows with everything that's been going on I certainly don't have much I can do. I can't try to run my business. The weather and season pretty much mean even if anyone wanted a vehichle detailed there's a chance I get sick. I can't afford to get sick, and even if I could I can't be around anyone in the family if I do. With my son's treatments and the chemo I can't risk anyone else getting sick especially not him. So option number one is out. I can't afford the Driving School to finish my CDL training so option number two is out. If by some freak chance I could find a Tracter Trailer company willing to hire me with my CDL Learner's and be able to earn as I learn the chances of them working with my scheduling needs so I can be home for a week every eight weeks is very slim so option number three is out. Seems that I just can't get anything right. Well at least I have plenty to rant about.

Sadly most of what I have to rant about right now sounds more like complaining. I can't support my family without a job. I can't get a job if I can't go out looking, and even if I could go out right now. No one seems to be hiring for what I can do right off the bat. I would love to get on with a Trucking Company, but most of them are frozen for the holidays, and those that aren't on a hiring freeze won't return my calls. Even if they do I'm told that I don't have the experiance and they don't have a training program currently. So again where does that leave me? As I see it.... It seems that I am currently useless to my family. I am here and that's about all I can be. No job, no income, no prospects..... Any thoughts?

Here's to another try....

Well it seems that I managed to stop blogging last year, and didn't even attempt to keep up with things as life took hold and threw me another curve ball. Basically I am going to try starting this thing over again. If you've read in the past you know I cover all types of subjects and comments are welcome.

I have to wonder if anyone out there has ever for no reason what-so-ever just felt completely useless. I don't mean like " hey I'm down in the dumps" type of thing. I mean just outright "what the hell am I doing, I can't seem to get anything right no matter how hard I try" that feeling.

Ahh but now I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's recap the past few months. My son was diagnosed with D.I.P.G. ( Diffused Intrensic Pontine Glioma ). Roughly put my 7 year old has brain cancer, but not just any brain cancer. This one is rare and inoperable. He was accepted into a clinical trial study at St. Jude. During the time we were there in Memphis all though the situation was bad, I still felt like I was at home and where I belonged. As soon as we crossed the state line coming home... Well I started to feel like I was out of place. Like I was returning to a place that I just don't fit in and probably never will. I sit here at home trying to determine what I'm going to do about supporting my family. I really want to finish my CDL training at get my Class A License, but I have two problems there. One I can't afford the school right now and two I really can't see myself spending that much time away from home while my son is going through everything that he is. So back to my original question. Have you ever just felt completely useless and out of place?